Love Chapter

Having read some of my friends’ blogs on their relationship issues that they are facing, have decided to give my two-cents worth on Love aka BGR. Having only experienced two relationships, I may not be the best person to seek for advice in the love department. But quality, not quantity, is what really matters, right? So here I go..

Ok, let me try and define what love is. Hmm, this is hard. Love is something that is really hard to explain. Lets take shoes shopping as an analogy. When I see a pair of heels, I may love it but I will not purchase it on the spot. Because at the back of my subconscious mind, I always think that there could be a better pair elsewhere. So my search for THE perfect pair of heels continues and at the end of the day, I may go home empty-handed. I’m NOT saying we should just buy the first pair of shoes that we lay our eyes on and not shop around. I’m trying to say that there is really no perfect pair of heels.

BGR is equivalent in that our partner may not be the perfect person after all. But we should always appreciate what we have. Like shoes, our partners will grow old and grumpy.. opps.. but there is still love as we can always remember how we met, fell in love and come together.

You may realise that once you are engaged in a serious loving relationship, all other potentials mates seem to disappear. If you’re a guy, you may wonder why a previously beauty-infested pub suddenly turned dull with only a handful of pretty ladies. Of course, guys will still look at gals but the huge sea seems to have turned into a pool instead! As for gals, you’ll view any other guy’s tending loving actions towards you as mediocre and wish that such actions are carried out by that special someone instead.

Here comes the dangerous section in any relationship. For simplicity, I would call it the “Comparison Chapter”. Never compare before and after engagement and never compare your partner with someone else’s partner. Occasionally, its fine to sound out and make hints but doing it too often might backfire. I believe that actions do not change overnight but minds can. Very often, a person may compare a partner’s actions before engagement and after engagement. Things like.. he used to make nice handmade cards on every special occasions or he used to fetch me home with only a phone call even in the middle of the night. But now he only gives me readily made cards occasionally or sends greetings via emails and asks me to take a cab home if I run late. Now, lets try and focus on the positive actions after the engagement. Well, at least he still gives you cards and remembers to send greetings via email. And seriously, who needs so many cards anyways, we just chuck them aside in our drawers/files! And taking a cab home at late hours is probably faster and definitely safer than dragging a dreamy person out of his bed just to drive you home.

Giving and taking is part of every relationship. If you give, you will take back. But don’t expect 100% reciprocal because it will never happen. How can one calculate to that extent anyway. So never expect to take back everything that you’ve given. Or better still, don’t expect anything in return and you will feel happier. Like when you make a donation to charity, you don’t expect to win a condo from your contribution, right? Maybe you hope but you don’t really place high hopes on that. Its great if you really won but if you didn’t, you wouldn’t feel disappointed at all because the expectations were not there in the first place. Managing expectations, be it self or others, is a high-level skill that every one of us needs.

Wow, it feels like I’ve just written an essay topic about Love! Hope this long-winded chapter makes you feel better, my dear friends. If not, at least the cute OMG hamster might cheer you up!